THE TRIGGER WARNING #2

When I first started dreaming up ideas for a series of novellas to self publish on Amazon, I came up with a character named Nick Schlatter.

Nick Schlatter: Bounty Hunter, Paranormal Investigator, and Guitar Teacher.

I had three episodes mapped out in my head:

  • Nick Schlatter vs The Succubus: SUCK ON THIS!
  • Nick Schlatter vs The Cargo Cult: WORSHIP THIS!
  • Nick Sclatter vs The Trophy Hunters: BIG FOOT IS MY FRIEND!

I even went as far as reading Jim Butcher’s WORKING FOR BIG FOOT, but was advised that my idea wasn’t genre specific enough, it was trying to be too many things; paranormal, adventure, parody …

It’s too bad, – I liked Nick. Each episode would have started out with the climax of a previous (unwritten adventure) that catapults our hero into the present day. For example, he is flying over the South Pacific in a vintage C-130 and is betrayed by the pilot, a gun battle ensues, the plane goes down in flames, and Nick is forced to parachute out over nothing but blue ocean, … and as luck would have it, – he lands on an uncharted island.

You get it. Nick Schlatter is a pompous idiot with a heart of gold. He bounces around like a pinball in a world that is one big Rube Goldberg Machine …

At the end of every episode Nick is back at Headquarters teaching a guitar lesson, losing his patience with his student, chasing the kid off and having an epiphany.

See ya later, Nick.

So I’ve settled on something more identifiable: The Chosen One/Galactic Battleship genre. You know, – middle aged loser is gifted with a Galactic Battleship and is tasked with being The Sheriff of Earth … or The Solar System, – whatever.

It makes more sense to work on this, given that,  Being Handed The Keys To The Kingdom  is the go-to escapist fantasy I employ to pass the time at work in my dirty, little, grey office cubical. It’s a thought experiment: what would you do with unlimited power …

Would you go Benevolent Dictator? Or would you hide behind the scenes and manipulate the world into peace and prosperity? What are the morals and ethics that would guide you? What could go wrong? Who would you let in on your secret? Where did this ship come from? Why does the ship’s computer sound like Susan Pleshette? What could go wrong? What is REALLY going on here?

I have notes for the first episode, and basically the plot is inspired by Grand Funk Railroad’s I’m Your Captain/Closer To Home …

MUTANT MUTINY!

Is that lazy? I don’t know, and I don’t care … as if there is anything new under the sun. Ha!

My first principle teacher used to scold me in a lighthearted way, “Ni Shr Lan Han, – Bu Pa Lei Sz le!”

You are a lazy bone, not afraid to die of laziness!

I am lazy, it’s true, – but I’m also a hard worker. And that is extent of my complexity …

I wonder if everything has calmed down since the Protest Marches and The Sniper Shooting in Dallas? I’m sure cable news will be doing it’s best to gin up fear and loathing on all sides. That’s what they are there for …

Here at the McDonald’s on Paradise Avenue the races seem to be getting along just fine. Say what you want about Las Vegas, but people here just want to relax and have a good time.

The Eagle Flies On Friday! It’s Payday Baby!

I’m going to do some serious damage at Sunflower Market’s Meat Department … The place where I work just gave everyone that has and attendance record of 85% (or better) a raise from $8.25/hr. to $10.00/hr. I can’t write about my day job on the internet; but suffice it to say, there are a lot reasons to hate me, and probably the best reason is what I do to pay the rent.

So if your phone rings, and it’s me,  just hang up. Or better yet, – say, “TAKE ME OFF YOUR CALL LIST”!!!

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